Self-Medicating
by Emmeebee
Summary: When Lily finds Sirius drinking in the common room, they get into a discussion about his cousin's upcoming marriage and the reason why he is so opposed to it. Warnings are included in the A/N.


A/N: Warnings: alcohol consumption at school (by people who are of age), and discussion of the use of Amortentia.

The Restricted Collection – prompt: No using the word 'said'

The HP Assassin Competition – prompt: The line 'They keep a bottle of Amortentia by the tea kettle.' from the fic Of Sugar and Ice (I'll add the writer's name in when this round of the competition is over; until then, feel free to PM me if you want me to direct you to the story).

* * *

Sirius took another swig of his firewhiskey, tilting his head back so he could tip the last dregs of liquid into his mouth. Leaning languidly against the back of the crimson red lounge, he looked every bit of the pureblood heir he had been raised to be. Attractive, self-confident, and impishly charming to the point of excess, he was almost the perfect model of upper class breeding.

 _Except,_ Lily thought, _for his drinking._ Although she didn't have any real experience with 'proper' pureblood society, given the fact that her blood status seemed to render her inconsequential in most of their minds, she rather suspected that getting drunk in a Hogwarts common room was generally frowned up by such circles. And, while Sirius might not have been drunk _yet,_ she knew that he didn't plan on stopping until he got there.

Still, she watched in awe as he swallowed the fluid without even flinching. Despite her concern for him, she was able to admire his tolerance for the foul-tasting drink. Gryffindors were known partiers and rule-breakers, so it wasn't unusual to see come across a self-medicating seventh year, but Lily had never before seen someone finish off five bottles of firewhiskey so nonchalantly.

So, as he casually vanished the bottle and summoned a new one from his dorm, she remarked, "I'm not sure whether to be impressed or distressed by your drinking."

He flashed her a broad grin, but something seemed off about it. It was like the spark that made him _Sirius_ was missing. "Choose to be impressed; life goes by easier that way."

"So what brought this on?"

For a moment, she didn't think he was going to answer. Although her blossoming relationship with James constantly put her into close proximity with Sirius, her friendship with the shaggy-haired Marauder was still fairly fragile. She had confided in him about her problems with her sister and he had hinted at some of his childhood issues, but she was aware that the thing that was concerning him might be too personal for him to share with her.

His smile faded, but, to her surprise, he didn't tell her to shove off. Instead, he muttered with surprising clarity for someone who had consumed that much alcohol in such a short period of time, "My cousin – Narcissa – is getting married next month."

"And you don't like the groom?" she guessed, pivoting in place until her head rested against the back of the lounge. Having only recently seen a relative of her own married off to somebody she disapproved of, she could see why the notion would mess with Sirius' head.

Sirius snorted. "That's an understatement. It's bloody Lucius Malfoy."

"Oh."

"Yeah. I was hoping she'd just do away with the idea of marriage altogether. She's too _proper_ to run away or marry a half-blood, but I was hoping she would just forgo or postpone it altogether. Of course, after everything with Andromeda..."

"But, if she's happy with him, then..."

"Oh, she'll _think_ she's happy with him." At Lily's confused look, he continued, "Everyone knows pureblood marriages are messed up. Young couples will spike their own drinks with Amortentia to get them through the wedding night, and quite a few keep it up even after that. Take my parents. They keep a bottle of Amortentia by the tea kettle. Always have. Always will. They didn't even try to hide it from us. Every week, they'd drink the damn thing right in front of us as a reminder that they were doing their family duty and that we should too." After a brief pause, he added, "That's why I plan to live and die a carefree bachelor."

"And you think Narcissa and Malfoy are planning on doing that too?"

"They're purebloods, and they're only getting married because Andromeda broke her contract with him," he told her bitterly. "What do you expect?"

Lily didn't know what to say. As much as she loved magic and Hogwarts and so many other things about the rabbit hole of a world she'd stumbled into at eleven years old, there seemed to be a never-ending supply of things around to shock and horrify her. She didn't mind the part about arranged marriages; although marrying for convenience seemed strange to her, she knew and understood that it could work in the right culture. But the idea of _drugging_ oneself to get through it, and of being so open about it...

She finally settled on a quiet, "That's screwed up." Then, instead of stumbling her way through false comfort or platitudes, she raised her wand and cast the Summoning Charm. "I hope you don't mind," she added as an afterthought as another bottle flew down the stairs.

He waved dismissively. "Go wild."

Despite his bland response, she could see the gratitude in his eyes as she caught the drink and swiftly uncorked it.

She, however, couldn't help but shudder as the vile liquid made its way down her throat.


End file.
